Family Entertainment

I recently checked out the coming attractions section of the Blockbuster new releases newsletter, it is the most I've read in years. I must say I was completely outraged. I finally understand what the Moral Majority, The Christian Coalition, and The Ku Klux Klan are always complaining about. As a nation we must unite, and start seriously thinking about the trash our young people are watching. This disgusting trend began earlier this year when ABC Television replaced Sunday Nights "The Wonderful World of Disney" with "The Wild, Wild World of Ron Jeremy." Or perhaps it started when a few liberal schools in California stopped forcing kids to heil the flag and pledge their allegiance to it every morning. Or maybe it all began when we replaced our monetary slogan "In God We Trust" with "Kiss My Grits" (though it is catchier, and remains faithful to the original views of the framers of the constitution.)

Whatever the source of this problem, it now it appears this lack of moral fiber is targetting movie screens, vcr's, and dvd players all across this great nation of ours. Will you remain silent while your children suffer? I think that it is just about time we put our foot down on the "entertainment" industry, and let them know just how we REAL Americans feel. After all, in this new age, it is no longer we parents who raise our kids. It is the television, it is the movies, the books, the video games, trading cards, comics, and toys who are the real source of guidance and parenting. I don't know about you, but I think they need to be held accountable.

The following reviews are copyrighted by Blockbuster Media Monster, Inc.™

3 Ninjas and a Baby
A trio of bloodthirsty, dangerously violent but honorable ninjas are entrusted with the life of a tiny newborn. The way of the Bushido has never been this heartwarming, or heartstopping!

Clifford The Red Dick Dog
If you thought Beethoven was an embarrassment, wait 'til you see big 'ol Clifford swagger and strut his stuff. Let's just say that ain't no wagon he's a draggin'. Go ahead and try NOT staring at it! Clifford the Red Dick Dog is coming soon!

Fat Albert & The Gang's "Hug Your Local Thug"
Fat Albert comes of age in this perennial holiday classic, as he's forced to make a non-food-related decision. Roody is planning a Thanksgiving drive-by on Mush Mouth, Dumb Donald, and Weird Harold. Fat Albert & The Gangbangers must learn the true meaning of brotherhood, if they are to survive Roody’s gangsta tactics.

The Best Little Whorehouse on the Prairie
Those spunky little Ingalls gals are serving up their bodies with a side order of fun, as Walnut Grove enters those oh so decadent 1870's. Wait until you see the look on Harriet Olsen's face when she catches her husband Nells having his way with Mary Ingalls' pony.

The Lyin’ King
Walt Disney presents the story of a pimp with a heart (and tooth) of gold.

Dunston Checks Out
John Woo joins forces with Quinten Tarintino to create an action packed thriller about a silly monkey who gets his just desserts. It's no more Mr. Fuckin' Nice Guy as Dunston Checks Out.

Pee Wee's Big Interactive Experience
It's hijinx and hilarity when Pee Wee Herman sets up his own webcam and XXX paysite. Michael Moore directs this ultra-disturbing documentary on middle aged puberty.

Sponge Bob Square Pants Meets the Girl With No Pussy!
This one is destined to be a classic, finally someone has the balls to step forward and teach our kids the benefits of asexuality. Give your kid’s the pleasure of learning from Sponge Bob Square Pants and The Girl With No Pussy.

Mrs. Buttfire
Robin Williams stars as the lovable cross-dressing nanny/ sadomasochist/ drug addicted/ alien/ homosexual/ college professor/ serial killer/ Air Force disc jockey in Vietnam. A timeless tale the whole family will enjoy time and time again.

You’re a Fucking Dead Man, Charlie Brown!
Let’s just say there are reasons why none of the Peanuts gang live with their parents, and why Marcie refers to Peppermint Patty as "sir."

XO The Mutant Faggot
Watch Wolverine go balls-out-ballistic as Professor Xavier institutes a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Who is the mutant homo? Well, that would be telling, now wouldn't it?

Jesus Christ Super Mario Brother
The classic parable of the King of the Jews meets the classic Nintendo video game in this animated delight. Watch Christ bounce his way through ascending spiritual planes, and ever tougher temptations and adversaries. Starring the voices of James Earl Jones, Ray Romano, and Bobcat Goldwaith.

Kim Possible and The Weapons of Mass Erection
Secret Agent Kim Possible must wipe out the Legion of Evil, which consists of the sinister Peter Eater, Pussy Galore, Dick Inyerass, Oliver Clothesoff, Don Fuckable, Mike Hunt, and Harry Balzac. It’s an all out fight to the climactic finish.

Michael Jackson’s Boystown
Father Flannegan has never been portrayed so horrifically. This one is a bit hard to swallow, however. Who could ever believe Michael Jackson and Catholic priests are really only interested in abusing little boys?

Harry Potter and the Satanic Majesties
All is revealed as Hogwarts Academy summons the Illuminati to institute universal domination through a one-world government. Dumbledor sets the darkened stage as the false prophet who paves the way for the true Anti Christ, young Harry Potter. The book of Revelations comes to the screen in startling blood red color. Left Behind and The Omega Code have nothing on this, the final installment in the Harry Potter series.

Please, pray for Hollywood